So true Jane. it is worth thinking how your husband will feel about the message before you send it or do it Then change the message to ensure that he feels valued, loved and appreciated, and change it if it makes him feel 'got at' or unloved .
I loved the image of the post it on the bathroom mirror saying, "This is what I appreciate about you." I think that would be a wonderful thing to do in my 35 year marriage, but I'm afraid my wife wouldn't play; she'd consider it way too contrived.
I really appreciated this post. But, in the spirit of honest and clear communication: if my husband said to me, ‘When you don’t do something the way I want, I feel frustrated because I know I will have to clear up after you.’
I would absolutely hear an implied "always" in this frustration. "When you do it your way, my experience is that I perceive it as always wrong. My way is best. You have to do things the way I want".
If either of us said that it would mean a big time out and dissection of what we are feeling and why and what we can do about it besides trying to impose our will on each other.
Good point Ren. I did wonder about that, actually. Because often I just want him to do it my way, full stop. At least I can admit that and we have a good laugh about it, as of course, he wants to do things HIS way! Nothing like a bit of humour to lessen a possible tension.
Thanks Jane. Yes, great reminders, and more importantly a great help to those who may not yet have been introduced to these ideas and communication skills.
love your theme and quotes!
HI Jane, thanks for being a fellow participant in Ana's groups. I subscribed and recommended you. :)
This is a lovely post! I love the appreciation game and question, do you feel loved by me- I’m going to try them out :)
Wise words indeed! 🤍
What a beautiful post Jane!
Thank you so much for sharing. At 76, I pray I can put these beautiful suggestions into practice.
So true Jane. it is worth thinking how your husband will feel about the message before you send it or do it Then change the message to ensure that he feels valued, loved and appreciated, and change it if it makes him feel 'got at' or unloved .
Wise words, Doreen. And lovely to hear from you again too!
I loved the image of the post it on the bathroom mirror saying, "This is what I appreciate about you." I think that would be a wonderful thing to do in my 35 year marriage, but I'm afraid my wife wouldn't play; she'd consider it way too contrived.
Yes, that way of doing it only works for some! Still, appreciation can be shown in all kinds of ways (maybe that's another post!)
I really appreciated this post. But, in the spirit of honest and clear communication: if my husband said to me, ‘When you don’t do something the way I want, I feel frustrated because I know I will have to clear up after you.’
I would absolutely hear an implied "always" in this frustration. "When you do it your way, my experience is that I perceive it as always wrong. My way is best. You have to do things the way I want".
If either of us said that it would mean a big time out and dissection of what we are feeling and why and what we can do about it besides trying to impose our will on each other.
Good point Ren. I did wonder about that, actually. Because often I just want him to do it my way, full stop. At least I can admit that and we have a good laugh about it, as of course, he wants to do things HIS way! Nothing like a bit of humour to lessen a possible tension.
Thanks Jane. Yes, great reminders, and more importantly a great help to those who may not yet have been introduced to these ideas and communication skills.
great reminders, Jane. thank you!
Wise words, and effective practices. they work!