Hi everyone
I was grabbed by Ageing one night a couple of months ago, it insisted on having a conversation with me. You can find Part 1 here. And now, it’s popped up again, see below.
But just before that, a big thank you! 60% of you said you’d either be all in or wanted to know more about the Ageing with Gratitude Experiment, so I am going ahead with that, slowly but steadily. Watch out for more info in the coming weeks, and subscribe if you want to be kept informed.
In the meantime, here’s how my second conversation with Ageing began:
Conversation with Ageing part 2
Ageing: Hi! Hey you! You over there! I’m here, and want to speak with you!
Me: Oh! Yes, here I am.
Ageing: Whew! I’ve been trying to grab your attention. I know you’ve been taken up with your friend’s death, so it’s understandable, but I’m so glad you’re here for me now.
Me: Ah, my goodness, it has been quite a time. I even forgot, totally, to send out my usual weekly newsletter last week. Ho hum. Grief affects you in odd ways, sometimes.
Ageing: I hear that, and I’m sure your readers will forgive you. Especially when they hear what I want to say.
Me: Well, now you have me all agog!
Ageing: I want to say something about words. Those ones you all use to describe me. I mean, to be honest they are usually fairly negative, have you noticed?
Me: You mean, things like decrepit, slow, unsteady, worthless, past it, useless, taking up space, doddery – that sort of thing?
Ageing: Yes! Yes indeed. But did you know that research has shown that it’s you in the Western world that mostly thinks those kinds of words? In China, for instance, many call me quite different words, like kind and wise. So in this conversation I am going to stand up for myself!
I want you to tell everyone you meet that those negative words about me are only there when you are wearing the spectacles that your society has fashioned for you.
You look through lenses that have these words written all over them, so that’s what you then see, and that’s what you then assume I am all about.
Me: That’s true, we do tend to be dismissive of older people here in the West.
Ageing: Well, I am here to say stop it. Just like that short video of the psychotherapist telling his client to stop it, I am saying STOP IT too!
Me: Well, I agree it’s all wrong, but we can’t just stop – can we?
Ageing: Yes, you can. You simply have to decide that you’re going to like me, instead of hating me. Take off those spectacles, and you will see me differently. It really is that simple.
Image by bohdan_zubrytskyi
The thing is, when you hate me, whether you’re aware of it or not, you then justify that decision by using those negative words, all designed to push me away and send me outside the house of your body. And so it all becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Me: Well, that doesn’t work very well, does it, seeing as the body is at least a part of you.
Ageing: No, it doesn’t work at all well, because I’m visiting anyway, whether you like it or not! So you might as well choose to like me, and have a good time with me. But it IS a decision, let me be clear about that.
ME: You’re being very clear indeed, Ageing! No need to worry about that. One might even call you forceful!
Ageing: Well, it’s about time someone stood up with a STOP sign and helped you get over yourselves.
Image by Peggy und Marco Lachmann-Anke
I mean, honestly, it’s so sad this thing about worrying about me, thinking I am only bringing bad things to you. If you stopped, took off the spectacles, and instead looked more clearly, you’d discover I have all sorts of other things to bring you too.
Me: What? My ears have pricked up now – I like a bit of good stuff.
Ageing: Yes. You see, in the pause that occurs when stopping happens, all sorts of miracles can occur. And one of them is that your door is open a tiny bit, which allows me to bring in a few goodies.
Me: What are some of those goodies then?
Ageing: Well, to name a few – peace of mind; increased contentment; joy; delight in being alive at all, when so many others aren’t.
Me: They sound all right – peace, joy, delight. Stuff I’ve spent my whole life trying to get more of!
Ageing: Yes, LOL! That’s the irony of my presence – it’s only by letting go of trying to get peace, joy and delight that you discover you already have them. This most often occurs only to people who’ve lived a long time, and whom I am therefore visiting. I find this just hilarious!
Me: (cautiously) I smell a whiff of truth here. I like it. In fact, I like YOU!
Ageing: Hurray! Well, actually I kind of knew that, because your Substack talks about embracing ageing, in other words, giving me a hug. And a good hug is always a delicious thing. Although not everyone is able to give a good hug, did you know that? (But that’s a topic for another time)
Me: Yes, well, you’re leaving me wanting to know more, so that’s a good thing. Let’s set up another chat soon.
Ageing: I’d love that. You and me are pals, I can see that. We are going to grow old together LOL.
Me: Now you’ve got me giggling. What a lovely way to enter my day! Thanks so much, see you soon.
Jane, I love the combo of funny+true + important. Thank you!
Mindset is such a critical element of aging well. One of the three principles I propose in my book, The New Old, is “Master Your Mindset,” and I teach readers how to shift that negative interior commentary you’re talking about. We’re very aligned! 😊
Delightful! It made me chuckle, and of course I was on Ageing's side.