A Conversation with Ageing

How can this happen? Read on to find out...

Hi dear friends

A big warm welcome to all my new subscribers! There have been a lot lately, which I’m delighted about. As I am also if you read this regularly, or just occasionally. It means a lot to me, knowing you are out there.

Ageing popped by yesterday morning to have a conversation with me. It all just poured out onto the page, as I was sitting with my journal on my lap. If you enjoy it, do like the heart icon, leave a comment, share or restack. It all helps to get the message out there.

Plus there’s some news later on after the article, so scroll on down to discover what I’m talking about…

---

Conversation with Ageing/Aging:

Me: Hi Ageing, good to meet you.

Ageing: Is it really good? I mean, most people shun me, look away, or worse, try to bury me.

Me: I know. It must feel horrible.

Ageing: Yeah, it’s not great. Actually, it makes me really sad.

Me: Well, I’m here for you now, and willing to listen. I’d like to know how it is to be you.

Ageing: Mmm. Never been asked that one before. It’s a bit lonely to tell you the truth. I don’t have many friends in general. Some individuals reach out to me, but the trouble is that most think that ‘reaching out to me’ means they will age more quickly, and then die.

Ironically, the paradox is that admitting me into their house means we can be friends and I can contribute to the household, so to speak.

Me: Interesting. What would you most like us humans to do around you?

Ageing: I want to be recognised as existing. I want people to say hallo instead of shunning me. Ideally I want to be welcomed into your house, so I can make proper friends with you and show you I’m not all bad.

Me: Perhaps I can introduce you to a few of my friends here on Substack who will be able to do that.

Ageing: I’d love that!

Me: Well, this conversation is a beginning. To make it easier, what would you like me to tell them so they can get to know you a bit better?

Ageing: Tell them I’m easiest to get on with when I’m accepted. I mean, who doesn’t want to be accepted?

Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to like what I bring you; however it does mean that you don’t turn your back on it. Strangely enough, along with the acceptance comes a sense of freedom (which you’ve been writing about in your new e-book, haven’t you?)

Me: Yes, I have. I’ll come to that later. For now, how would you advise people could accept you?

Ageing: By looking at me. That means initially looking at your own body dispassionately. Suspend the identification with it, suspend the criticism, suspend the judgment of whether it’s one way or another. And then just take a peek at the amazing, incredible workings of a system that exists at all! It really is quite the miracle when you do this.

Me: Can you give me an example?

Ageing: Yes. Right now, just look at your hands. They are typing away on your laptop. The skin is wrinkled; the what-you-call age spots are evident; and there are occasional twinges from me in your thumbs – you call this arthritis.

Now look past all those – isn’t it totally incredible how they move as a result of a message from your brain? Isn’t it a miracle that each finger can make so many tiny, precise movements? Allowing awe and wonder in to witness your hands is a great start. Then you can do this with other parts of your body too.

Me: Wow. You’re right. They’re amazing. But I think I might find this a bit more difficult to do on a bit of my body that I really don’t like much, like all the wrinkly, saggy skin.

Ageing: Okay, well let’s start with redefining wrinkles and sagging, which you think are ‘bad’ things, don’t you?

Me: You caught me on! Yes, I do.

Ageing: How about if wrinkles, and saggy, were just words that have little emotional meaning attached, like for instance the word ‘thing’? If you can let go of the baggage that you’ve laid onto those words, so they are only descriptors, then you’re half way there. They become neutral, which is a great start.

Me: Okay, I get that. Interesting take, I’ll have to give it a go.

Ageing: Well, let’s make it a bit easier. I’m going to give you a pair of rose-tinted glasses. Pop them on, and now we can view the wrinkles and sag in a different way.

Can you see now that those wrinkles and sag demonstrate all the memories of a life well lived? All the ups and downs and lessons learnt? All the love and grace that’s been in your world, whether you’ve noticed it at the time or not?

Me: Aha! Yes, I see what you mean.

Ageing: And when you look at this picture below, the contrast between an older and a younger body, you see that the young one doesn’t have any of those memories, ups and downs or lessons learnt. It’s like a blank slate on which all these are still to be imprinted.

Me: It’s a beautiful picture, that contrast is so lovely. But partly that’s because there’s no judgment from the baby to the older person.

Ageing: Spot on! That’s because the baby hasn’t developed those (dubious) abilities yet, and the older person is probably in a state of awe and wonder at the chubbiness of those young feet.

But you can still bring awe and wonder to a body that is full of memories, lessons learnt, and results of a long life. That’s the trick. Can you do that, do you think?

Me: I can certainly try.

Ageing: If you do, then you’ll have invited me to snuggle down inside your house, and bring the wisdom I have with me.

Me: This is an exercise I could do in the Honouring Hour.

Ageing: What’s the Honouring Hour?

Me: It’s my new weekly hour when I invite paying subscribers to come on Zoom with me and honour themselves in some way. It could be doing this exercise; it could be writing their memoirs, or other creative thing that makes them come alive; it could be anything they have been putting off doing, and want some company and witnessing while they do it. Plus they get a copy of my new e-book, that you mentioned earlier, The Wise-ish Guide to Ageing Wackily and Well.

Ageing: That sounds good. I love the title of your e-book! A bit of wackiness is just your thing, isn’t it – and mine!

Me: Wacky, quirky, odd – whatever, I’ve always been a bit off-beat like that, but guess what, it’s taken being a friend with you to be able to accept it, instead of trying to fit in.

Ageing: Well, there you go. That’s a great example of bringing me into your house, and discovering there is a benefit (well, many benefits actually) to me being there.

Me: Well, thank you Ageing. I’ve enjoyed this chat. I’m glad you live with me; let’s chat again sometime.

Ageing: Yay! I’d love that.

Me: Give us a hug then – let me show everyone I really am embracing you!

Ageing: Yay! I do love a good cuddle….

---

NEWS!

This week, I am founding the Embracing Ageing Clan, woop, woop!

I’m Scottish, and live in the Highlands of Scotland, so ‘clan’ felt a very appropriate word to use for my new community, open to those who are paid subscribers.

Everything isn’t quite ready yet - but it will be in a few days.

So look out for an email from me very soon, outlining exactly what you get and what will happen when you join the Clan. I look forward to meeting you there!

---